What counts as cyberbullying, and how common it is

The word matters, because schools and platforms act on categories rather than on how upset a parent sounds. The US government’s StopBullying.gov defines cyberbullying as “bullying that takes place over digital devices”, including “sending, posting, or sharing negative, harmful, false, or mean content about someone else”. Australia’s eSafety Commissioner, a national regulator with its own complaints scheme, uses a plainer test: it is “when someone uses the internet to be mean to a child or young person so they feel bad or upset”. UNICEF adds that it is “repeated behavior, aimed at scaring, angering or shaming those who are targeted”.

Being left out is not a lesser category. StopBullying.gov’s definition of bullying requires an imbalance of power (“physical strength, access to embarrassing information, or popularity”) and repetition, and lists social bullying as including “leaving someone out on purpose”. A child removed from the class chat, or left in it while a second chat runs without them, fits that description.

Note the gap between the anonymous surveys and Singapore’s figures, which count cases reported to schools rather than experiences. Note too that none of these surveys measures “left out of the group chat” as a category. We could not find a national statistic for group-chat exclusion, so expect to make that case yourself.

What makes online bullying harder to escape

Parents who were bullied at school themselves often underestimate this: in-person bullying stopped at the school gate. StopBullying.gov names three features that change the picture, and they are why “just log off” is useless advice to a teenager.

The audience is larger, too. UK Department for Education guidance calls cyberbullying “a different form of bullying” that “can happen at all times of the day, with a potentially bigger audience”. A remark in a corridor reaches three people; in a year-group chat it reaches ninety, and can be forwarded.

When the class chat is also the social life

In an expat setting the group chat does more work than at home. Year groups are small, families live scattered across a city, and almost nobody can walk to a friend’s house. The chat is where weekend plans are made and running jokes live. A child who leaves it is not just off an app — they are outside the only room where their year group exists after 3pm.

Two consequences follow. Taking the phone away punishes your child for being targeted: eSafety warns that “removing your child’s phone or computer could be really unhelpful”, and the American Academy of Pediatrics is blunter — “Don’t threaten to take away your child’s device or cut their time online. They may see this as punishment and be less willing to tell you about bullying situations.” And “just leave the chat” means leaving their social life, which is why teenagers resist it.

What to do first: keep the evidence, then block and report

The order matters, and most parents get it wrong by blocking first. Once an account is blocked or a chat is left, you may lose the messages that prove what happened. eSafety tells parents it is “a good idea to collect evidence before you report to social media services” — “screenshots and URLs”. StopBullying.gov says to “Keep a record of what is happening and where. Take screenshots of harmful posts or content if possible”, because “bullying is a repeated behavior, so records help to document it”. UNICEF and the AAP say the same.

Asking the school to act, and what it can and cannot do

This is where expat parents get stuck: it happened at 11pm, off campus, on an app the school does not run. Being international does not settle whether a school must act.

The UK Department for Education’s guidance, which many British-curriculum schools abroad follow, is the clearest statement we found. Staff may discipline pupils for misbehavior outside the premises under the Education and Inspections Act 2006, “but only if it would be reasonable for the school to regulate pupils’ behavior in those circumstances”, and the sanction itself can only be imposed on school premises. Under the Education Act 2011, authorized staff can examine and delete data on a seized device “where there is good reason to do so”, but must not delete material that may relate to a criminal offense.

Elsewhere the picture is similar. Singapore’s Ministry of Education says that for online incidents “schools guide students to report these to the online service provider”, and that in severe cases schools “work closely with parents and the authorities”. Hong Kong’s Education Bureau asks schools for a “whole school approach” with reporting channels and handling procedures, and the government has said “the Internet is not an unreal world that is beyond the law”. Ask your own school which of these applies to it.

Ask in writing, ask for a named person, and ask what happens next. If the response stalls, our guide to bullying at an international school sets out how to escalate and who inspects these schools.

When it becomes a matter for the police or a national body

Most cyberbullying is handled between the family, the platform and the school. Some is not. StopBullying.gov is straightforward: “If a child has received physical threats, or if a potential crime or illegal behavior is occurring, report it to the police.” UK guidance adds that some harassing or threatening communications could be a criminal offense, and that schools should seek police assistance where staff believe one may have occurred.

Whether a national reporting body exists depends on where you live. Australia has a statutory scheme; many countries do not.

When your teenager says “please don’t make it worse”

This is the most common reason parents do nothing for weeks, and the fear is reasonable: an adult who storms in can raise the social cost. The answer is not to promise silence, but to be specific.

Give them control over the details and keep control of the decision. A workable compromise: we report the messages tonight, we save everything, we contact nobody’s parents, and if it happens again this week we email the year head together. eSafety tells parents to “stay calm and open — don’t panic” and to “listen without judging when they open up”. If the difficulty runs wider than one chat, our piece on third culture kids and school anxiety may fit better than this one.

Signs it is affecting their mental health, and where to get help

The American Academy of Pediatrics reports that research links cyberbullying to depression, anxiety and sleep problems, and to avoiding school and trouble concentrating. UNICEF lists shame, withdrawal, negative self-talk and physical symptoms such as “frequent headaches, nausea or stomachaches”, noting that “skipping school is another common effect”.

StopBullying.gov states that in the research it cites, “kids who reported cyberbullying were 11.5 times more likely to present suicidal ideation”, while also making clear that “most kids who are bullied do not experience suicidal thoughts or self-harm”. Both halves matter. If your child talks about suicide or self-harm, or you think they are at risk, contact a doctor or mental health professional now, or a crisis line — in the United States, the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988). Your school counselor or family doctor can tell you the local equivalent. If someone is at immediate risk, call your local emergency number.

If your child is the one doing it, or is caught in the middle

About one adolescent in eight in the WHO/Europe study reported cyberbullying others, and many children are both targeted and involved in targeting someone else. In a group chat the line between joining in and failing to object is thin.

StopBullying.gov lists signs that a child may be bullying others: verbal or physical fights, friends who bully, increasing aggression, blaming others, and being “competitive and worry about their reputation or popularity”. It also notes real risks for those children — poorer school results, impulsive behavior, substance use, and depression or self-harm. That is a reason to treat it as something to work on, not a verdict.

Stay, switch schools, or learn online? An honest comparison

Most families do not need to change school. A smaller number reach a point where the same year group, the same chat and the same corridor are not survivable for another year. If a move is on the table, our guide to changing international schools mid-year covers the practical side.

Be honest about one thing: an online school is not a place where bullying cannot happen. Children still fall out, still form chats you cannot see, and unkind messages are possible anywhere there is a keyboard. What changes is the setting — class size, whether an adult is present in every session, and how fast someone notices. Ask any school those questions.

An online school built around small, supervised classes: NIJIN GLOBAL ACADEMY

NIJIN GLOBAL ACADEMY (NGA) is an online international school for ages 6–18, run by NIJIN, the company behind this site. Parts of its design speak to the problems above. Read the limitations as carefully as the features.

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Sources used for this article

If school has stopped being a place your child can learn

NIJIN GLOBAL ACADEMY runs live online classes of eight with bilingual mentors, in a setting its FAQ says outsiders cannot freely enter. Tuition is not yet announced; the school opens in September 2027, and free trial classes are planned monthly from September 2026.

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