Why “home” can feel foreign to your child

For you, moving back may feel like a return. For a child who left as a toddler, or who has spent most of their school years in Singapore, Dubai or Hong Kong, it is simply another move to a new country, and sometimes a harder one.

Ruth Van Reken, co-author with David Pollock of the well-known book Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds, describes this in a chapter published in the academic collection Writing Out of Limbo (Cambridge Scholars Publishing, 2011). She sets out the “PolVan Cultural Identity Model” that she and Pollock developed. It sorts how a child relates to the culture around them into four boxes:

A child moving back to their passport country often lands in the hidden immigrant box: they look like their classmates, but they think differently. Van Reken notes that this box can make life “quite complicated.” She also makes a point that matters for schools: educators may assume that hidden immigrant students know the historical or cultural references in the curriculum, and so don’t give them the extra help they would give a child who is clearly new to the country.

What research says about going back

It is worth being honest: there is less research on children returning home than on children moving abroad. A 2022 systematic review of adjustment in third culture kids in Frontiers in Psychology explicitly left out studies on repatriation and returnees, so its findings are about living abroad, not coming back. Much of the research that exists on returning is about university students or young adults, not school-age children.

Returning students. Kevin Gaw’s study in the International Journal of Intercultural Relations (2000) surveyed 66 American college students with overseas experience. Students with high levels of reverse culture shock were more likely to report personal adjustment problems and shyness. Importantly, as reverse culture shock increased, use of student support services went down. These were college students, so the findings may not apply directly to younger children, but it is a good reason not to wait for your child to ask.

Returning families. Daina Grosa and Russell King’s study in the Journal of International Migration and Integration (2023) was based on 40 in-depth interviews with children, parents, teachers, school support staff and return-migration coordinators in Latvia. They found that hopes of a smooth return to a homeland of relatives and friends were often not met. Many children, particularly those in upper primary and secondary school, experienced the move as a “rupture” in their lives. School could be full of unrealistic expectations on all sides, and communication between parents, teachers and support staff was often poor. The authors concluded that preparing children for the return, including language preparation and awareness of differences in teaching and curriculum, matters.

How the move can feel at different ages

There is no official timeline for re-entry, and we did not find research that gives one for children. The table below is not a research finding. It is a general guide, drawing on the Latvian study’s observation that older children often found the return harder, to help you think about what your child might be facing.

Teenagers may grieve in ways that look like anger; “this place is boring” can be a sign of loss, not ingratitude. If your child is also anxious at school more generally, our guide to third culture kids and school anxiety goes into more detail.

School places back home: what can be different

Families often assume that as citizens, their child will slot straight into the local school. In many places your child does have a right to a school place, but which school, when, and in which year group depend on local rules. Two official examples show the kind of detail to check.

Example 1: England

The Department for Education’s guidance on applications from overseas says that a local authority should not refuse an application made from overseas on the grounds that the family does not yet live in its area, and that admission authorities cannot require a permanent home address before processing an application. Schools can ask for evidence of an intended move, such as a rental agreement or a letter from an employer. Under the School Admissions Code (2021), a parent can apply for a place at any school at any time, admission authorities must tell parents the outcome in writing within 15 school days, and the child should start as soon as possible.

These rules cover England. Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland have their own systems. The Code also has specific rules for children of UK service personnel and Crown servants returning from overseas, who may be allocated a place in advance.

Example 2: Australia (New South Wales and Victoria)

In Australia, schooling is run by the states. New South Wales’ enrollment procedures say eligible students are entitled to enroll at their local school, based on their residential address within the school’s intake area. Principals may ask for proof of address, using a points-based check of documents such as a lease or utility bills, and applications during the current school year should be assessed within 15 school days. Victoria’s placement policy says eligible students have the right to enroll at their local school, which is generally the one nearest their permanent address, regardless of capacity.

In the US, Korea, Japan and elsewhere, rules and timings are set by different bodies, and placement often depends on the child’s age and previous schooling. Whatever your destination, ask the education department or school early: which school your address gives you, what documents are needed, how year group is decided, and how long it takes. If you are returning to Japan and looking at options there, our guide to international schools in Japan may help.

Curriculum and language: filling the gaps

Even a child with excellent grades abroad may find gaps at home. National history, handwriting, spelling conventions and exam formats can all differ. Van Reken’s point about hidden immigrants applies here: teachers may not realize what your child has never been taught.

The key step is telling the school. A short written summary of your child’s education so far (countries, curricula, languages, any assessments) helps a teacher see a hidden immigrant as a new arrival who deserves some adjustment time. Grosa and King’s study found poor communication between parents and schools made things harder, so it is worth being the one who starts that conversation.

The social side: friends, identity and belonging

For many children, the hardest part of moving back is not lessons but lunchtime. Friend groups at a local school may have been together since kindergarten. Your child may also be used to an international school where new arrivals were normal and everyone was “from somewhere else.” At home, being new can feel much more visible.

Some children hide their overseas life to fit in; others talk about it constantly and are seen as boasting. Both are ways of working out who they are now. You can help by making it safe to talk about both places at home, and by not insisting that they should feel “happy to be back.”

The practical advice is the same as for any move. The Raising Children Network, an Australian government-funded parenting website, suggests asking your child to talk about, draw or list their worries, meeting the new principal or teacher, even setting up a review meeting in the first one to two weeks, and making a contact list of old friends. Our guide on helping your child make friends after a move covers how long friendship takes and what helps.

Signs to watch, and when to get help

Some sadness, irritability and tiredness after a return is expected. The NHS notes that children often find change difficult and may become anxious after a house move or when starting a new school. The question is whether things are slowly improving or spreading into more of your child’s life.

On timing, HealthyChildren.org advises that if school avoidance lasts more than one week, you and your child may need professional help. The NHS suggests seeing a GP if a child’s anxiety is severe, persists and interferes with everyday life, and involving the school. The good news about moving back is that you are now within your own health system: register with a family doctor or pediatrician early, so there is someone to call if you need them. If your child is refusing school in Japan, our guide to school refusal in Japan explains the local support available.

A before-and-after plan for the year of the move

The table below brings together the steps from this article in a simple order. Adjust it to your child’s age and your timeline.

Parents can feel reverse culture shock too. It is fine to tell your child that you also find some things strange.

When continuity might help: comparing options

Most children settle into their home school with time and support. For some families, though, the timing is hard: a move in the middle of an exam year, a return that may be temporary, or a child who is already anxious about school. In those cases some parents consider a bridge, a way to keep one part of school life the same through the move. Here is how the main options compare in general.

An online class is not a replacement for belonging where you live. Your child still needs local friends, play and activities. What it can offer is a bridge: the same teachers and classmates while everything else changes. Check how any qualification would be recognized at home before choosing.

One option for families moving within Asia and Oceania: NIJIN GLOBAL ACADEMY

NIJIN GLOBAL ACADEMY (NGA) is an online international school for ages 6–18, run by NIJIN, the company behind this site. We mention it because it is designed to be “portable”: NGA says learning continues if the family moves. Its timetables are for Asia and Oceania time zones. That means it may suit a family returning to Australia, New Zealand, Korea or Japan, but it is unlikely to fit a family returning to the UK, Europe or the Americas, where live class times would fall at difficult hours.

NGA’s FAQ says classes run in an environment outsiders can’t freely enter, with mentors watching over online interactions, and that families abroad and in Japan can join. Optional Cambridge IGCSE and A-Level courses are available for older students.

Frequently asked questions

Sources used for this article

Returning within Asia or Oceania?

If your family is heading back to Australia, New Zealand, Korea or Japan, NIJIN GLOBAL ACADEMY offers a small online class that can stay the same through the move, with no entrance exam or English requirement. Tuition is yet to be announced, and the school opens in September 2027.

Visit NIJIN GLOBAL ACADEMY